Holly Bailey

Just What the Internet Needed: Another Blog
Random thoughts on
pop culture and politics.
Who am I? This is my day job. But you might remember me from here. You can also follow me on Twitter and view all the posts I've liked on Tumblr.
Ask me anything
  • April 19, 2012 4:04 pm
    NEW YORK—In a bold move that has become the talk of the fashion world, morbidly depressed designer Ralph Lauren has unveiled a wrinkled dress shirt stained with marinara sauce, part of a new ready-to-wear fall line reflecting the clothing legend’s deep and seemingly inescapable despondency. “I designed this shirt because no matter how hard I try, I can never be happy,” said Lauren, who spoke to reporters Saturday in a detached monotone, though he was heard quietly sobbing as the crumpled blue oxford with a large orange blotch down the front made its runway debut. ”I try and try and try, but these days I can never seem to… It doesn’t matter anymore. It just doesn’t matter. That’s what this shirt is about, I guess.” “It’s particularly good for walking on the beach alone at 2 a.m. and wondering if you should just let the tide take you away forever,” Lauren added. ”Believe me, it’s perfect for that.” Featuring a missing button, garlic and body odor infused right into the cotton weave, and a cigarette burn across the unraveling embroidery of a Polo logo, the new shirt is the signature item in Lauren’s recently launched ”Fuck It, Just Fuck Everything” line. Other items, such as stretch-fit khakis, mismatched socks, and well-worn penny loafers soaked in rainwater, are specifically tailored to complement the shirt. “Depressed Ralph Lauren Releases New Wrinkled Dress Shirt With a Marinara Stain On It” via The Onion View high resolution

    NEW YORK—In a bold move that has become the talk of the fashion world, morbidly depressed designer Ralph Lauren has unveiled a wrinkled dress shirt stained with marinara sauce, part of a new ready-to-wear fall line reflecting the clothing legend’s deep and seemingly inescapable despondency.

    “I designed this shirt because no matter how hard I try, I can never be happy,” said Lauren, who spoke to reporters Saturday in a detached monotone, though he was heard quietly sobbing as the crumpled blue oxford with a large orange blotch down the front made its runway debut. ”I try and try and try, but these days I can never seem to… It doesn’t matter anymore. It just doesn’t matter. That’s what this shirt is about, I guess.”

    “It’s particularly good for walking on the beach alone at 2 a.m. and wondering if you should just let the tide take you away forever,” Lauren added. ”Believe me, it’s perfect for that.”

    Featuring a missing button, garlic and body odor infused right into the cotton weave, and a cigarette burn across the unraveling embroidery of a Polo logo, the new shirt is the signature item in Lauren’s recently launched ”Fuck It, Just Fuck Everything” line. Other items, such as stretch-fit khakis, mismatched socks, and well-worn penny loafers soaked in rainwater, are specifically tailored to complement the shirt.

    “Depressed Ralph Lauren Releases New Wrinkled Dress Shirt With a Marinara Stain On It” via The Onion

    1 note Filed under:  the onion, ralph lauren,.
"Well Liked" by Peter Vidani. For Tumblr.
© 2008–2013 Holly Bailey