While the Reagan family is surely relieved, this development must come as a great disappointment for the auction’s high bidder, who had offered a whopping $30,086 for the presidential blood. Sources tell Daily Intel that he was a mad scientist who intended to extract DNA from the blood and grow an entire colony of Reagans on a remote tropical island. Visitors would have the opportunity to see the Reagans up close from behind an electrified wall, which the mad scientist claimed would be “un-tear-downable,” because, you know.
The graphics folks at Daily Intel really are the best. (“Mad Scientist Prevented From Building ‘Reagan Park’” via NYMag)